You Remind Me

You remind me of a person,
I once knew,
drunken with power,
yet always drunk,
it's like the inner self cursed,
to be someone they claim,
not to show everyone or anyone,
look at me as this work in progress,
will truly show you how its done,
I am a screw up,
the friendships,
loved ones,
being crazy got me killed,
but to live once again,
my life should be restored,
or even renewed.

If You Loved Me

If you loved me,
you know me like the back of your hand.
Instead of judging the situation,
take a breather with me.
Understand why I am excited,
Why I get hype and cray.
Because there always something to do each day.
The world is gloomy enough,
with all the corruption,
the slander,

and non trust bonds
we can have with others.
How can we fix the problem?
We give each one and open hand.
Why do we need to be the enemy??
Of people that you clearly see.
I want to be about love,
not of war.
Honesty not telling lies.
I want to look at you,
as you are bro.
So don't turn away.
But give in to who you are
and what you know.

Lack

I can't write anymore.
No inspirations left.
We grow.
When we are young.
My art has died,
I progress, to degrees in trying.
But slowly dying, for a thirst of knowledge.

I Run

I run, far away from you.

The soon to be overdone lovers.

My heart realizes a heart break is worth taking.

Leaving you think of a time when you were single.

Not sure you can trust the game of love.
You remind yourself of what you truly want in life.

Love is a precious.
Something, you were never apart of.

It is sweet, tender, willing to learn.

The love you share in friendship,
Should be something you seek.

Yet, you are to consumed by roles is confuses you. 

You lose desire in what you wanted.

I know that you love me and we are here together.

But, you know what they love doesn't last forever.

MHmm

I am foolish.
Acting on jealously.
Greed and pride.
Will lead me to destruction
But the inspiration of God.
Is something I am loving.
With encouragement, you want more.
From what's to come,
Because your faith can bring you through.
At any point in our life. 
I am not saying to believe.
I am not saying to not believe, either.
Belief are based on the perspective of where faith is leading you to be.
I hope it doesn't bother, you I share my life story.
Because faith has showed the many gifts that I seek.
I seek for I found, what was lost, and here to say.

Just for You :)

When I see your face it brings encouragement.

You help me to believe, that I can do it.

You help me bring others along.

Your aspiring words kept me, head strong.

And it show how much I love you.

I believe that if you keep trying.

You can believe the words I repeat to you.

They are yours.

I will never take it.

Only god knows where we stand.

I love you so much.

I want you to do better.

I know you can.

If this doesn't with still can't be friends.

You are strong and smart.

You don't need words to encourage you.

If you believe, no one else to cover you.

Those are my spoken words to you.

Give yourself time to think.

I just know your going to make it.

I Remember

Your eyes shine like the sun.

Your lips curl leave me to kiss them.

I wonder what you are waiting for.

You never say whom or what.

But I know where.

The time and place to be.

I remember long ago.

Those beautiful times we spent.

Together, alone.

I remember those days.

You made me run away.

You made me nervous.

You made me feel emotions.

I didn't even know existed.

All I could do is run.

You caught me with that stare.

Those equation, you know.

My tutor, soon to be lover and friend.

I then looked past you as you taught me,

to become better.

I remember.

I was blushing scared out my mine.

You were in my dreams soon to be my husband.

I ran so long, I forgot myself.

I never knew what love was about until I saw you.

My one and only love.

We will be together forever.

I'm Feeling Lost

I'm starting to realize that maybe leaving or walking away is best. 
I can't simply do this anymore lie to myself,
 constantly be someone I'm not.
 I feel as if though i''m a pawn in a game. 
Like i'm puppet, 
but I remember being a person. 
Who believe it or not have feelings. 
I will find that one day but not now..
wish to be left alone and be alone for now.
I still love everyone I just need some space to think about this.
I really mean this.. 
I can't take the selfishness. 
I can't take ignorance. 
I can't take drama. 
I can't take any of this.. 
finally it all comes to this maybe I should find somewhere else to go. 
I'm sorry but I think I might have too.. 
If I change my mind you will know, 
but for now I don't think I am..

A Common Dislike

I do not like to see you like this,

screaming, yelling, arguing personalty.

You got a war of a spirit,

racing through those tender veins.

You have the beauty of a swan.

But,the attitude of an ugly duckling.

You are filled with insecurity.

You let others make decisions for you.

Instead of being the leader.

You become the follower and then the understudy.

You rotate assumtions that turn into rumors.

This is all in your head as your mental illness carries it.

Simply you cannot just walk in without a grunt.

Your eyes say disaster.

Your heart is evil.

Your body is the destoyer.

Your brain is the manipulator.

Who is really pulling the strings?

My Mothers Journey

The sweetness, kind and gentle woman

Big, tall and strong

Black is beautiful

For she has her essence in the air

and entity that soars behind life.

She gives much but asks for little.

It worries me at times.

She's always been sick, but never let that affect her.

This woman who gave birth to me,

would give up anything for her children.

"What about yourself?" I asked her

And shes tells me " you first"

I look to see if she is fine.

She smiles and says sweet things

I see her and believe she is happy,

even when sad.

One of the people to talk to me about god.

And at first I looked at her like she is crazy.

She tells me you have to believe and have your soul saved.

I love that god came into my life, but it makes me happy he created her.

Attached to her at the hip.

My love for her is strong.

We fuss and fight, but get along.

She brings joy along the ride. 

I love her person this god gave me. 

I'm joyful and sincere for this love.

I love you mommy :) 

A Food for Thought

A cloud of sunshine

Took over that darkness

The heap of the hype

The ride of the storm

We were never one

I thought I knew

Look at this self pity

I never felt some much sympathy in my life

The jewels of a guard could hit and you still fall

MY sadness is finally over

Yeah I would say

I feel it in my bones

The emptyness is full

But feeling free and born again does not mean

The darkness is not there

I simply have to overcome

My evil sheltered mind

to forgive those

Who have hurt me, broke me into pieces

A self sacrifice for the forgotten

I had to make those decision

Even though I may regret it

I will forget it and never let it take over me

once again

What is the emotion?

What is certain urge to like or love?

The feeling to just want to make run

up and down stairs and do backflips

I'm having a hard time

If you been the same situations

I have been you would know

What is wrong with you?

Or is it right 

Maybe I should do some 

back tracking in my sight

I'm happy all the time

Sweat palms

I don't know what to say

I tremble and crumble

Make a smiley, say hi

But why??

Maybe I am over analyzing it

But you make me happy

Sadly is this a good thing too

Do you feel the same way I do?

Or maybe I shouldn't rune a good thing

Worn out, get out of touch with a friend

It is masculine not feminine

I know that's hard to understand

I'm not lesbian, I like dudes

And yes you may see me play with them

But the girls are just a friend in the saying

It is like a private investigation

Sadness arose today maybe I blew it

but not know it just to say

I'm thinking of you still either way

I can't say that maybe it best

But I don't know

I don't want to be a pest today

So I can say is each time

I see you and the back of my mine

I think "What is the emotion" 

Thank goodness I hide my feelings well

But maybe I should tell him

or sit in a corner dwell about it a little

and finally grow a pair to say " Hey, I like you"

Yep, I figured out my happiness, I like someone

Would I be willing to end a perfect friendship 

or not?

That depends on my emotional state

Oh well secret lover or crush your going to have to wait 

Unknown

Being on a mountain
Or climbing to the top of the hill
How many steps do you need?
How many people are there to help you??
Can this ever be an easier way??
Is it possible to stay in the same spot??
You never know what the world holds
Or how it may crupt you
Or make you become a different person
I shall never put my guard down for you
I shall never hound you like a dog
Or card the person around
Be yourself
That is what they say
Is that true or not
I do not believe this is happening again
Leaving the unknown

Let Me Tell You Something

Hello everyone

I am here to write a poem

Something happy 

Something Sweet

Something everyone loves but me

I write depressing poems all day

Not for the depression inside myself

But for some reason it helps me feel better

I am as happy as a clam

And feel lower than the low

But I refuse to let this take my soul

In reality I am ME

Who cares what other think

You can depict and destroy

Everything is still the same

Honest, loyal, and strong as they can get

I can even love you

guess not regretting

what you said

I open myself to others

Emotionally, Physically, Spirituality  

That does not change my sexuality 

I touch and feel the way others do

But that does mean I will sleep 

and have sex with you

My innocents was taken from me a long time ago

when molested by a man I did not know

But that still does not mean he took my virginity

It just means he took my curiosity

I can always forget that day because I forgave

Do not get me started on having to deal with guys

I could if I wanted too

If I tried

I use to think

I was useless, worn out angry, and tired

But it caused me damaged or started a fire

I am honestly saving forgiveness is the key

If you were me and I were you

Would you leave??

I left things in the  past 

as they belong so any relationship

I had stayed strong

And not clingy just let him breathe

not even once to beg him back on my knees

Love is not a weak emotion is those

who just ain't doing it right

There are better things to do then argue and fight

But besides that I was caught in a fire

My parents saved me

And I want to close to them

We almost didn't make it I could not run out

I was sleeping walking the whole time

and I almost did not make it out 

I was revived at some point 

with siblings five at the time 

with parents hand in hand

I never thought my life was exciting 

but bland

I could tell the world my story

Of my handicapped mom

and my man of dad

That would be to much for you

If you cannot understand that

Being bullied and teased does not compare

To the love my parents bond again and again

I kept keeping strong for other and not myself

Maybe that is where my depression came in

I never weep

Let me not forget my brother who is paralazyed

And like my mother he broke down in front my eyes

Don't feel sorry for him or I

I am just lucky he is alive

In all the drama and messed up situation

I always thank God

cause he is my station

So do not feel sorry for me in any type of way

Just thank god you meet me

because I am here to stay 

To those I have hurt I apologize

No one knew who I was in my eyes

I do think correctly at times

because these demons beat and bruise my ego

I could never speak to them and say

Leave me alone 

I love all those who understand 

But I loathe who cannot handle my truth

In life you say deal with it

But in my mind I have to leave

though slowly getting over this powerless thing

That does not have a hold of me

one and the same I remind myself 

each and everyday

I love you guys and all you know

This depression will never take a hold

of me once again

I love all of you out there 

But everyone has a strong story to share

Happy Thought

Dreaming of this beautiful dream about to start

The birds are barking , huh that's werid

The cows jump over the moon

How is the moon even out when it is daylight??

This dream is getting weird

I am battling a puppy

I am dressed for the ball at the same time

There is a prince charming by my side

This seems like a disney fairytale

Everyone is treated equally

I like this already

We have peace in third world countries

Other planets to live on 

The sun is not going to burst years from now

On that is a gift from god

We all believe in following the same religion

Wait I am not understanding

We have equality

I think this dream is a misunderstanding

I want to wake up now

Somethings in this dream are foul

How is this a happy thought??

When everyone thinks the same

Does the same thing

No one is dying

I am confused

But good this dream is lying

I wish for better things in the future

But like this

It makes me puke

Stomp up and down

Now why am I not awake

This imagination is taking my place

Wake up!! Wake up!!! 

My Anthem

The wave that rides a tide

I am sick and tired of life, love and liberty

I am not destine to stand grave and fickle personalities 

My mind is pearl and its brand to all of these identities 

If I were a boat would you sink me??

Let me fall as most would do

Leave stranded on a deserted island

and we call each other friends

don't look at me with love and care

and then try to burn me in the end

I am angry

I am weak

I am worn

and tired of this people I call friends

If you love me and we are together

let it be

But, it is not the person I thought of

then simply grow a pair

I'll respect and care

but at the same time keeping my distance is fair

I'll walk away from you any chance I get

The negativity around makes an optimistic person sick  

If I were your homie or boo 

All I could do is stay away from you

The true life the heartbreak and headache

My lover and friend

Give me space because I need some more time again

Love, respect, peace and chicken grease 

my anthem 

Beauty is skin deep

Beauty is skin deep

A personality that is remarkably perplexing can cover the least mistakes

that beautiful person has to offer

Now being young as I am

The verdict stands appearances do not matter

If you think that is the case do not fatter yourself

That sexy piece of mind you have carried in your noggin

is a sure way to get anybodies attention

Unless they cannot see skin deep

The handsome charming charity which moves in step

That beauty could have me swept away in minutes

Turn around let me conserve and gain that knowledge

You make me want to do a 360 degree spin

Only a way to make you change in understanding

Drawing me closer to that area, where everything lays down

You can never slowly give me that daring stare

It would not make a difference

That beloved side I have my desire set on

A line that no one can cross but you or anyone

who could be close to you

It changes ever so often

A broken wing in thought could occur

Recover young bird

Only the mind has it tempting ways

To open up in  this book or page

You see do not think dirty or nasty

Because I am just talking about you

That sexy individual that peaks my attention

That hot steamy loving without a kiss

I will always see you as before but a little more each day

but do not shy away because I do, it just means I like you

Do not make it complicated

Give me that brilliant jester that you care

Unlike some I will still wear my skin as beautiful

as it is maybe I want to find someone to start my life with

You should realize how your mind takes control over me

Beauty is skin deep can you see

Get a Clue

I never thought I could say this one weak emotion

It has bounds me into a corner

No one knows how I feel 

But the hint is everyone feels this way

Choose this opportunity 

To say your peace

This will be the only time to say it

And if that person does not talk to you again 

It is simply their lost

My bad did you get it yet

It has clues and hints itself out

You still do not know? I am sorry

But I cannot tell you something that is already here

Standing right in front of you 

You still do not know??

Let me give you another one

It is looking at you died in your eyes

Holding your hand 

They know your secrets

especially the deep one

Has a bond or chemistry with ya

Has respect for ya

Gives you almost everything 

But then you take is regardlessly

They take and make your day

in each and every way 

I think this is not working

You still do not know

This is hopeless my darling

Find yourself a new piece offering

I cannot help you 

I guess you will know

What love is next time??

The World

The world is empty.
The world is full of greed and selfishness.
The world is cold and distanced, sly as a snake.
The world does not care about you.
The world is full of evil.
We are not ment for this world, because the world is not ment for us.
Jesus did not died in vain.
Jesus did not want us to suffer and be alone.
His Blood was sled.
His teachings are real.
We are brothers and sister in the body.
He is the changer,and we are the changed.
We seek you father, we need you father, we want to be with you.
We do not need this world anymore.
We want unity, encouragement, hope, love, and faith.
We want your Will to be done.
Help us learn to be like Jesus.
Even when we are not him, help us to become holy.
I pray for our days of darkness, to become exposed.
Until that day comes we will be in the darkness.
But, those who are free from that darkness.
Expose your community, family, and friends.
But, if God wants the best for us.
What is holding you back??

Tackled

Slammed down,
beaten for points,
helplessly getting bruised over and over again.
Yet, you find the strength to over power,
get out of lock and chains,
that try to trap and bind you.
You have the ability to overpower,
your opponent yet you choose not too.
If it's battle of the sexes,
why would you let them win,
yet you say and ego,
that big losing,
can leave them damaged,
unwelcome awakening,
that can leave them more hurt than you.
Defend who you are,
without letting someone see you sweat.
But don't lose or don't win.
Its not a tie,
Whose really going to win now??

No one

Depends on how you look at it,
you find yourself,
to want change,
their is no success,
without progress,
Not the sharpest tool in the shed,
Not the brightest persons in the world,
Not even witty,
not beautiful to most,
but truly ugly to some,
basically I am a loser,
a creep,
a no one,
You don't want to talk,
or remember me.
You look the other way and pretend,
I don't exist,
I am invisible.
You see what you want to see,
You hear what is fine to you,
You never gave me a chance,
Yet you look at me and judge.
I run away,
from the many wounds,
that constantly leaves scar,
yet I am the horrible person,
for giving chances to others,
that were truly never given.
For I want change.
I want to be the friend that is of hope,
that gives you the opportunity,
to be yourself.
No matter,
how you look,
dress,
or even smell.
It does not matter,
you are simply,
the person you have become for reasons unknown,
I want to be there for no one was there for me.

IDK

Feeling torn
by the friends I choose.
We live in a world that tells us,
what is the social norm,
or what is acceptable.
Why can't we simply see the rebellion,
of being like them,
and their is no uniqueness.
In order to start you must begin.

Insecurities

Judgmental

Self - hatred

Pessimistic

We suffer with these issues,

common,

less open to talk,

about how we truly fell,

a hole full of wounds,

are left open,

consuming our every thought,

of what we think of ourselves,

in truth or non belief,

we seek what is not found,

and barely it with lies,

for we never know until this image of ourselves

is broken,

we are shattered by the thoughts,

of what to come,

instead of the day after tomorrow,

leaving confusion,

second guessing,

less motivation for ourselves,

we are truly our own worse enemy,

standing in the way of who we really are.

Image

I am fat,
nothing but pudginess,
wearing slip and hips for days,
rolls that cover sides unnaturally,
a tummy that jiggles,
like a tide struggling through the storm
with a pool are its belly button,
as dark a endless hole.
Arms that flap in the wind, I could fly away.
Hands that's are like sausages.
Palms like an oven mitt.
Face full of cheeks,
Double chin that like a swing set.
Squeaks eyes barely to see,
as my nose seems to huge.
My lips are the finest tools, for food.
I can't even see my toes,
when looking down to the ground.
Thighs bigger than a pig,
calling the "ham hound".
Knees fatter, fattest, fat.
Legs disagreed with me long before,
can't run to loss off this,
and some more.
Feet fat as a flounder,
the wrinkles on my toes are fat as well.
Everything is fat can't you tell.
My body full of stretch marks,
up and down my spine.
My skin is young but body old,
out of shape beat up,
who love a person like me.

You should look

It is easy to be consumed,
by what your seeking,
not what you are looking for.
I clearly see it in your eyes.
When I stand in the mirror,
I see the flaws in me,
when I look at you,
their are no dents and holes,
but to the true perfection,
of your look and behold,
that beauty that is unusual.
You have it.
I do not,
yet being a meer shadow,
of your friendship.
Shines over and clears clouds,
of gloomy darkness I once had.
The self image of being,
what I thought I was,
but not who I really am.
Yet I progress to believe in higher power,
for I am not perfect,
yet in perfect.
For my higher power is God,
Which leads me to learn of Christ,
Which leads me to want to know about the holy spirit.
These my friends feel the day.
For hope is find.
You should look.

Friend

We are have bonds
We have moments together
We live for excitement
We agree on almost everything,
even when disagree its settles.
Truly, there is nothing but free- spirit fun
No anger in you,
No spite or grudges.
You help everyone understand how to live.
You know when to play and to be serious.
Your the person who is outspoken.
You are the one of true friendship.
You are my friend

Damaged

What is this feeling of pain and sorrow??
It feels like death.
Your heart makes a dead beat.
Your bodies aching,
nerves shot up,
limbs dragged down.
Face,
with blood shot eyes,
pale cheek bones no color,
as if you held you breathe,
so the face can turn extreme.
As your brain turns your life into a computer.
You feel nothing.
No love comes in or out.
Stuck in your world,
no one can enter or trespass.