:D

This Big Smile upon my face,
Is not just a joyful grin.
Yet, it reminds of the days,
because of what different,
From now until then.
Before, I was unhappy waiting for the week to end.
But, now I want more because I love more.
I love you as this smile is upon my face.
It will never go away,
Even if its not on such a wonderful day.
I'll find the beauty within.
For this change in me,
Is a change I was waiting for a long - time to come.
I want to share my joy with others,
For you will see what next will look like,
Just be merry with all the you have with,
the one.

Ms. Tummy.

Oh, how I love to eat,
lots of good meats and meals,
that feeds, Ms. Tummy.
Ms. Tummy, says thank you,
All the time,
Because she's getting feeds, throughout the day.
Mostly, sweet and treats,
Of her cravings, that continue to grow.
Yet, you have no saying,
And lack body control.
Because, Ms. Tummy controls your body.
With all the pleasure in your taste.
Vegetables aren't in your place,
nor grains or fruits.
Because Ms. Tummy as before,
controls your every move.
You will be stuck to find,
Nothing is good for your belly is in line for danger.
Ms. Tummy, wants more than she can handle,
Wants more as she mumbles and grumbles,
Yet, your not hungry,
She's screaming at you to feed her.
Yet, when you do.
Ms. Tummy wants more.
The more she eats, the satisfied, she gets.
Yet, your getting fatter, because of her progress.
Ms. Tummy, wants more,
As she shouts and you suffer,
The belly of a hungry mutter,
Yet, you toss and turn to give in,
To what Ms. Tummy wants again.
Defeat me or eat with me.
As she designs,
For Ms. Tummy  is trying to take over your mind.
You need control,
To gain your life back,
Because she's just going to tell you to feed her,
And you'll get fat.
You soon take control,
And she punches your gut,
With unmistakable feelings to your butt.
With gases unknown to the body,
And smells that make you, pass out.
You got mind control to shut her out,
Soon taking control again of your body,
Ms. Tummy is gone,
Now, look at your new body.

Getting into trouble

Its well known,
To see yourself on the safe side,
Until the day you've crossed,
The boundaries to help you hind,
As you laugh, at someones,
Not so swell,
Horrific day.
Your laughter,
Soon becomes an epic disaster,
For trouble is lurking around .
Some believe its karma,
Some believe its consequences,
But I see it as common sense.
You can't expect to have joy in others pain.
And look as they are suffering.
For you my friend,
Are in, for a challenging treat.
As you learn to eat, defeat.
As it, consumes your waking life.
Because your snickering of evil content,
Has conquered your big heart,
Into a lump of coal.
In time, we should  have known better,
This day would come.
The day your luck,
Into your worse nightmare.
Leaving you feeling the same,
As the one from before.
To understand,
Why this situation has happen.
It is better to lend a helping hand,
Then to see others get shattered.
For next, you shall see
It is never, exciting to see others suffering,

Chatterbox

You know the meaning of stop and think,
You know the meaning of filtering,
You know the meaning to breath after each sentence,
Even better not externally thinking out loud,
Or even being blunt.
Well, you found me.
I am the complete opposite,
I can chat all day long,
for hours on end,
Just ask all my friends,
Who wish I could stop talking.
Ask my family,
For they knew this day would come,
As I started humming at the young age of one.
Could not stop saying what I was thinking,
Emotions and all,
Like a cat coughing up a hairball.
Yet, I talk so much,
No one can keep up,
They get side tracked,
Consumed by the yaps and blahs,
Into what I like to call,
"The Space Zone" or "Signs of Peace", the better name " Zoning out",
In space zone you mind goes blank,
You tend to say yes, mhmm, or the famous oh noo.
To get out of the place,
of the Chatty Kathy Zone",
You must learn these few signs alone,
Either run for your life or walk away,
Better yet, shut up.
Because when I start talking,
It might be all day.

Wishing for the best

Failure, is my friend.
I am alone in my thoughts,
Physical, as well.
It is the reminder of,
Every second,
In everyday life,
I tend to carry on,
With paranoia,
An anxiety,
That no one can find the cure too,
No one can help me,
Sometimes I wonder if my depression,
Has come back to bite,
Mark its territory,
Once more,
To settle a score of doubt,
When leaving the past behind,
Yet, it keeps following my path.
I am not emotional to the emotion,
Yet, numb to an unknown aching pain.
I could not mask true meanings of love,
Yet to understand it.
My negative thought of failures,
Is passing down,
"I fail, I fail, I fail".
This is all the thoughts that ring,
when I look in a mirror,
Yet, I hear otherwise.
Otherwise, should be that hope,
In need to turn to,
All that was lost around,
These memories,
That constantly tries to consume,
The life I lead.
But wishing for the best,
Is being taken into account
Take the void,
That once gave me falsehood
Planted a seed,
Now, all I have to do is wait and see.

New me

With fear cover thy mind,
with no respect,
of what yesterday can bring.
My life is not here on my own,
but into together,
we can be one,
only someday.
Love you,
lost memories of,
what we could have been,
but where we are, now.
Thank you,
for the strength,
in growing stronger than,
I would have,
because of the years taken,
too long to realize who I am.

Pointing

Stop pointing those fingers.

As you share an equal opportunity,

to this crazed equation in the same location.

Leaving us both,

Standing here,

Waiting for answer,

Yet, we or one seems to not take the hint,

that we are both involved.

Playing games with,

like a baby,

who toys with a rattle,

laughing at the games played.

Yet, I am the one fooled once again.

Not sure

I can't seem to think of song to sing,
for its been a long time coming.
My mind is not in the right place,
My heart is left with nothing,
My soul does not describe,
who I am or used to be?
Yet, there is a place unknown in this world for me.

Heart Felt: ~~~~

Heart Felt: ~~~~: Writing poems can be hard. Difficult, even. How may I count the many failures.  The many written works aren't well. This is my master...

~~~~

Writing poems can be hard.

Difficult, even.

How may I count the many failures. 

The many written works aren't well.

This is my master piece.

My maker of things for yet to come.

Lost.

Conflicted

Underestimated by the circumstances.
We all fall into the category, Confusion.
We are left with nothing but unexplained emotions.
Yet, we can't make up our mind on a choice.
Yet, these choices get lost in obligations.
Obligations turn into challenges.
Challenges changes to suggestions.
The suggestion don't last long.
Leaving the question mark, now.

Heart Felt: Before and After

Heart Felt: Before and After: Like split ends, I need to cut you loose, all your going to do is damage and destroy, parts of the beauty that is left. Your no good. S...

Before and After

Like split ends,
I need to cut you loose,
all your going to do is damage and destroy,
parts of the beauty that is left.
Your no good.
So as soon as I get rid of you.
I say no more,
to your evil intend,
but you say its just hair.
Slowly, dying away.
Your killing me,
leaving nothing but patches,
soon it will look like a corn maze,
dazed and confused you look,
but now its time, for something new.
Bye bye, to something that is meaningless and no more,
Hello, freedom of expression and new beginnings.

Responsibility

Put in a place,
where your character,
is being tested by everyone.
Put in a place,
where your looked up too,
it takes a hard worker,
A figure, of some sort, too fill these shoes.
You can either be away from the crowd,
or closely connected.
Either way the decision is in your hands,
not mine.
Which one shall have you chosen,
the red or blue pill.
Its your life.

Over it

Over it,

like a relationship that once existed,

but lost its sense of lust or passion,

we can't look back.

We can only look forward,

and say "over it".

The situations done,

but is not for long,

memories of the past,

can hunt your future,

leaving you to compare,

what you could of had,

instead of focusing present times,

Saying, " Over it",

should be the new step,

because dwelling is not our strong suit.

Team

You can't put an I in team,
because it would be strange,
I understand the concept of life,
Yet, putting an I on everything,
will leave you nothing,
but selfishness and regret,
you will be lost in your pity,
to consumed by your eagerness,
your blinded by the natures of life,
the meer little things that can distract,
your narcissistic mind,
yet, you will never see the big picture,
because the small looks better,
or you can't wrap your brain around it,
sometimes it better to give up,
then give in to the temptation,
that can leave you hurting for a long time,
hopefully when you leave your I like ways,
you will be able to clear your head,
and start over again.

Heart Felt: Used

Heart Felt: Used: Like a paper bag, it drifts away into the open sky. Once had a purpose, but further no more. Its alone, floating with no home. When the...

Used

Like a paper bag,
it drifts away into the open sky.
Once had a purpose,
but further no more.
Its alone, floating with no home.
When there's a job,
it will be here waiting.
But that does not mean it full of life.
Slowly deterring at its core.
It is soon left dying, on your doorstep somewhere,
Yet, no one cares.
No one sees the pain of an object,
that is not human.
Yet, we still seem to carry on,
like nothing is going on.
We leave it, as we found it, because everyone knows,
Its not real enough.
Visible yet invisible to the naked eye.
Yet, this paper bag cries,
no one sees,
what poor Mr. Paper bag wants to be.
Leaving him to rot, to die.
For we have something in common.
The paper bag and I.

Differences

You can tell between black and white,
but you can't see grey.
You say let freedom ring,
yet your still a slave.
You make people wonder,
when you say one thing,
but your actions speak louder than words.
You speak in a metaphor,
that turns into a simile.
Your an imitation,
of what you really want to be.

I can't tell you

I can't tell you what to do.
You are your own person.
I can't tell you what to believe,
I can advise you,
in how I believe and what is being seen.
but, I can't tell you it is wrong or right.
For it takes you to understand,
personally for yourself.
I can't tell you, who you are.
You are your own person.
You should say I am not about that life.
Because your not, your life is made to do bigger things.

Seed

When you hear the word for the first time,
it passes you by,
because your heart does not believe.
But, if you shall not see,
something deep inside of you,
is a seed that's growing,
waiting to blossom,
and show you something,
even bigger than you,
you are only human,
limited to some things but never all,
things you wished to be explained before,
can be explained, now.

Fire

There is something blazing,
its massive, huge, enormous.
Frankly, it can't be described.
Yet, it is burning an inspiration,
sparks up the chances to change.
To want to be different.
Something that moves you forward.
Personally, you will be tested.
Don't let it go out,
for it will leave you cold,
left nothing in understanding,
making you feel empty.
Doing once a favor,
you can savor a chance to keep your candle lit.

Vulnerable

I can't say I'm happy but,

I cna't say i'm sad either.

This are the fact of life.

I want to get my life back together

I don't want to get lost in yours.

We don't need space, 

but I can't get caught up and tangled.

My emotions are overwhelmed, 

with feelings of love and guilt,

that I simply cannot explain,

but I refuse to be the person you hate,

I refuse to be the person,

that is not understanding.

I learned to love,

and have a bigger heart.

Confused

Complicated with anticipated,
with harsh words to say.
You confuse my core.
You confuse myself.
You confused, me.
I cry for joy,
but not because I want too.
But, it eases everything,
I wonder why this is happening.
The truth is,
why are you here?
Why am I here?
I refuse to meet and greet you in the journey.
The revenge has been hit.
I truly do not understand,
your way of thinking,
but it makes me sick.
I can change you,
but I can move away.

The middle man

I am the area,
no one looks at's or notice.
Its always a black or white situation.
Never me,
I wonder why this world,
cannot simply come to common ground.
I defy all gravity,
with logic and perspectives put aside.
Choice, I, for it is I,
Who is the greater decision.
Remember the forgotten one.
The lost one, that can solve all problems,
to this solution.
You identify, everything else, but I.
You turn your back on the sight of I.
For it is I, who will never turn its back on you.

:)

What it means to be a friend?
What it means to love?
What it mean to be different?
What it means to write?
You write for freedom of expression.
You write to be unique,
for no style is better,
to what it seems.
Love others as best as you can.
For you never know the day.
It can be completely nothing.
Without, it we have little.
We deal.
We were home.
We never left the day alone.
Friend, friend, friend...
You are it...

Heart Felt: Sugar

Heart Felt: Sugar: You are my high and low. From something innocent, which is a feeling I don't know. It makes me happy, full of joy. Like a little child ...

Sugar

You are my high and low.
From something innocent,
which is a feeling I don't know.
It makes me happy,
full of joy.
Like a little child playing with a toy.
Like a mother having a baby.
Like a father holding his son.
You get this feeling,
from a few to one.
It is your everything in your life.
That is an upbringing note.
Like a singer reaching their stardom.
Like a boxing winning his match.
Like the days that seems to come,
but there is no turing back.
Sweetness, that enters through and through.
Just so you know I love you.

Auditions

Standing in front of a crowd,
Waiting, Anticipating, Thinking,
This is last time,
A choice to be here,
No turning back now,
You need them to hear,
This beautiful sound,
It comes out and its true,
Its apart of your soul,
Let it out,
Leave them cheering for more,
Show your nerves whose boss,
Punch it,
Let them have it,
Just don't give up on your dreams.

If I told you

I have these feelings,
unexplained to not even myself,
you are my bubble of safety,
when I get nervous,
I think of how lucky I am,
to have an opportunity,
to woe you or fall in love.
You are my soul - mate,
another side that understands,
things that I can't,
if losing you means dying,
I would die.
Dramatic, but I will never find another,
as I found you.
As if you were waiting,
Only for me.

Heart Felt: Dreaming

Heart Felt: Dreaming: I have never knew, You would be the one, Standing in front, And I would fall behind. You leave this relationship, With an open scar, T...

Dreaming

I have never knew,
You'd would be the one,
Who Stood in the front line,
As I fell behind.
You left this relationship,
With an open scar,
That hasn't been closed,
As you purposely,
Find your way,
Back into my life.
Further, the continuous cycle of sufferings.
You learn not to care,
Your mine forever,
My best friend,
Who I truly love,
No matter the cost.
Forever more.
Yours.

Songs

You play constantly,
I have no clue, why,
I refuse to love you,
yet your stuck there,
in my brain in a untouched place,
it surprises me,
with every word I remember,
yet your not my taste,
I dislike this,
because its like a bug bite,
gone bad.
Hopefully, I can get you out of my head,

Blasting

Let me put you on blast,
truth seeks itself, son,
Don't be ignorant,
to whats become.
Blasting and boasting,
on a whole nother lever,
never giving you the benefits,
in which I have doubted,
because I became the enemy, of you.
Left with nothing,
left behind was an empty trail,
"Couldn't see that one from a mill away,
or what I did".
Point blink its worthless,
because non the less,
it has always seem to be,
my responsibility,
that has nothing to do with me.

Heart Felt: Cross cultures

Heart Felt: Cross cultures: I want to reach out to more international students, I am as interested in your culture, your language, your learning, your diets, your ...

Cross

I want to reach out.

To speak about it.

Using play on words.

To touch your differences,

as my differences are the same.

Your here standing,

waiting for an answer.

That cannot be described,

not in words but in actions,

that would leave you speechless.

I want something fresh,

I want something new.

Give me something to look forward too.

I'm ready.

I hope you are as well.

Heart Felt: Shadow

Heart Felt: Shadow: Living in the back alley door, wish can be never more, but you can be sure, of where you are, living in the place of another, wishing y...

Shadow

Living in the back alley door,
wish can be never more,
but you can be sure,
of where you are,
living in the place of another,
wishing you had your sister or brother,
you can't even call for your mother,
on the way home,
no one is there for you,
not one,
not two,
having artificial friends,
no one to have your back in the end,
thinking to start over again,
some things never change,
not even yourself,
then who are you,
just your imagination.

Heart Felt: Dream

Heart Felt: Dream: Found in a dream, non the less, it must be true, about the characters,  that are vivid and real, actual people you know, you know...

Dream

Found in a dream,

non the less,

it must be true,

about the characters, 

that are vivid and real,

actual people you know,

you know where they are headed,

you know where they are going,

but you can't stop them.

Your in the background,

screaming, yelling (loud),

its over now.

Heart Felt: You make me wonder

Heart Felt: You make me wonder: You make me wonder, Why I wake up angry, I search for things that aren't there, "I feel unloved, unappreciated and no one understands", ...

Heart Felt: ...

Heart Felt: ...: Words can not describe, the smile, put upon this frown, that you turn upside down.

...

Words can not describe,
the smile,
put upon this frown,
that you turn upside down.

You make me wonder

Why am I angry,
Why do I search search for things that aren't there,
"Unloved by unappreciated beings who don't understand",
Because the vicious cycle continued.

You mad bro

Mhhmm, Ain't life funny when you trust someone,
I put my trust in ,
to realize your fake,
not a diamond dozen,
Yet, the circumstances change,
I'm down for it but not the way its turning out,
And you ask me " You mad bro"
Nothing could be worse,
when your bro asks that question,
where you like truly defining,
the underlying line,
that you were being a complete douche,
I see I might be mad,
But for the right reasons,
Friendships are seasonal,
I guess your that season,
But most of all its hurts that I trust,
And you do this to me,
Just because you stopped,
being the target a long time ago,
So if you ask me that again,
I say "yes",
But its to digress for the fact that you were,
the one that changed.

Blazing

Blazing.
As the angry in my very core arises.
There's no hope for confirmation.
Because the feelings inside has been confirmed.
I can feel my heart, becoming cold as I give you the stare down.
It's an evil intent, the feeling of ripping you apart lib from lib.
The crazy, freeing side of sanity that turns insane.
It's like your body temperature is on fire.
It's like you can hope no one is around.
Because emotions get the best of your thoughts.
It leaves you running into the dark.

Deattached Emotions

You left without a word.

Leaving the choice open to dump out, truth. 

Nothing but numbness.

You say "Sorry".

But all I can see is regret.

In turning a page to start over.

Your meaningless.

And thoughts of you are over.

Natural

Realness.

It truly does exist, simply on the fact it does.

I wonder, why go synthetic.

When you can be yourself.

Yourself is the essence of who you are.

And how you carry yourself.

Naturally, I feel as I do and do it.

When synthetic,  false reality that others like to face.

I'd rather be hurt an take my chances.

Instead, of bleeding externally with no one seeing it. 

I bleed with the joys of life.

I get hurt and stand up.

No falling back.

It is the real, of who you truly want to be.

Ugly girl

I am the ugly girl.

The ugly girl can be cute and unique.

But, she cannot compare to her friend's beauty.

Her friend, is gorgeous,

many talents,

flexibly, curvy, and strong. 

many other talents,

sexy, hot, and a complete vixen.

Yet, I wonder why?

No one can see me.

My talents are ....

My talents are, oh yeah,

video games, sports, and intelligence.

Who is me?

Let's see, the female who is hiding behind the pretty one.

Beauty in your own way.

Whether you are dominate.

Whether you are submissive.

You are still beautiful in your own way.

You are approachable.

You may not think it because society tells you otherwise.

But, you are worth the wait.

You are worth someones time.

People may not realize it by now.

Being young and free.

It will last only for a few moments.

To realize, that we do only live once.

That doesn't mean waste it away.

We should want to mature.

We should want to be free.

We should want to be around others that accept you.

Joy

You emerge from darkness into the light,
with beaming eyes that glazing,
glazing so deeply into a point,
where a smile is on your used to be frown,
It gives you freedom to think,
and feel happiness,
not for a second but for a lifetime,
Your heart skips a beat,
you want to dance.
as if you got ants in your pants,
wiggling your tale,
like a cute puppy,
or a baby shaking the rattle,
You feel this everyday,
with each waking day.

Heart Felt: Strong

Heart Felt: Strong: Living in this world is hard, someones got to do it, taking all you can, you fight to survive, for thriving meaning it can be done. ...

Strength

We go through everything your lifetime.

Yet, we can either choose to dwell.

Or we can choose to move on.

With maturity,

there will be open wounds that needs to be healed.

We need to grow up and live.

We need a sense of responsibility.

You have to, in order to understand the meaning behind your purpose.

It will mold you.

It will help you change.

It is apart of you, now don't deny what is there.

But, embrace it and move on.

Heart Felt: MHmm

Heart Felt: MHmm: I realize that I am foolish, if acting on accounts of jealously,  greed and pride,  or many other things that could bring me to destructi...

Heart Felt: I Run

Heart Felt: I Run: I run so far away from you. You are the one I love. Why must I run from you? My heart can't tale the pain of another heart break. ...

Heart Felt: I Can't

Heart Felt: I Can't: I can't write anymore, my love for it has withered away. Being less inspired, with inspirations, that truly cannot be explained. We gro...

Heart Felt: If You Loved Me

Heart Felt: If You Loved Me: If you loved me, you know me like the back of your hand. Instead of judging the situation, take a breather with me. Understand why I am exci...

Heart Felt: You Remind Me

Heart Felt: You Remind Me: You remind me of a person, I was knew, drunken with power, yet always drunk, it's like the inner self cursed, to be someone they claim,...

Heart Felt: That girl

Heart Felt: That girl: We fall, We rise, We are unsung to destination, You never know what happens. You will never e the pretty girl, or the one most guys...

That girl

We fall, we rise, we rejoice

We have an unsung destinations,

You never know what happens,

You will never be that pretty girl,

most guys dream about,
based on how you look,
size, smell, height, personality,
it is the same look over again,
you will only be the shadowed,

used, forgotten one.
The one most don't remember,
or the girl who disappears,
When people meet you,

they want to spit you up and chew you out.

You are a nobody,
Which becomes a no one.

In all true reality to others.

You don't exist.

You will never be that girl.

But why would you want to be.

You Remind Me

You remind me of a person,
I once knew,
drunken with power,
yet always drunk,
it's like the inner self cursed,
to be someone they claim,
not to show everyone or anyone,
look at me as this work in progress,
will truly show you how its done,
I am a screw up,
the friendships,
loved ones,
being crazy got me killed,
but to live once again,
my life should be restored,
or even renewed.

If You Loved Me

If you loved me,
you know me like the back of your hand.
Instead of judging the situation,
take a breather with me.
Understand why I am excited,
Why I get hype and cray.
Because there always something to do each day.
The world is gloomy enough,
with all the corruption,
the slander,

and non trust bonds
we can have with others.
How can we fix the problem?
We give each one and open hand.
Why do we need to be the enemy??
Of people that you clearly see.
I want to be about love,
not of war.
Honesty not telling lies.
I want to look at you,
as you are bro.
So don't turn away.
But give in to who you are
and what you know.

Lack

I can't write anymore.
No inspirations left.
We grow.
When we are young.
My art has died,
I progress, to degrees in trying.
But slowly dying, for a thirst of knowledge.

I Run

I run, far away from you.

The soon to be overdone lovers.

My heart realizes a heart break is worth taking.

Leaving you think of a time when you were single.

Not sure you can trust the game of love.
You remind yourself of what you truly want in life.

Love is a precious.
Something, you were never apart of.

It is sweet, tender, willing to learn.

The love you share in friendship,
Should be something you seek.

Yet, you are to consumed by roles is confuses you. 

You lose desire in what you wanted.

I know that you love me and we are here together.

But, you know what they love doesn't last forever.

MHmm

I am foolish.
Acting on jealously.
Greed and pride.
Will lead me to destruction
But the inspiration of God.
Is something I am loving.
With encouragement, you want more.
From what's to come,
Because your faith can bring you through.
At any point in our life. 
I am not saying to believe.
I am not saying to not believe, either.
Belief are based on the perspective of where faith is leading you to be.
I hope it doesn't bother, you I share my life story.
Because faith has showed the many gifts that I seek.
I seek for I found, what was lost, and here to say.

Just for You :)

When I see your face it brings encouragement.

You help me to believe, that I can do it.

You help me bring others along.

Your aspiring words kept me, head strong.

And it show how much I love you.

I believe that if you keep trying.

You can believe the words I repeat to you.

They are yours.

I will never take it.

Only god knows where we stand.

I love you so much.

I want you to do better.

I know you can.

If this doesn't with still can't be friends.

You are strong and smart.

You don't need words to encourage you.

If you believe, no one else to cover you.

Those are my spoken words to you.

Give yourself time to think.

I just know your going to make it.

I Remember

Your eyes shine like the sun.

Your lips curl leave me to kiss them.

I wonder what you are waiting for.

You never say whom or what.

But I know where.

The time and place to be.

I remember long ago.

Those beautiful times we spent.

Together, alone.

I remember those days.

You made me run away.

You made me nervous.

You made me feel emotions.

I didn't even know existed.

All I could do is run.

You caught me with that stare.

Those equation, you know.

My tutor, soon to be lover and friend.

I then looked past you as you taught me,

to become better.

I remember.

I was blushing scared out my mine.

You were in my dreams soon to be my husband.

I ran so long, I forgot myself.

I never knew what love was about until I saw you.

My one and only love.

We will be together forever.

I'm Feeling Lost

I'm starting to realize that maybe leaving or walking away is best. 
I can't simply do this anymore lie to myself,
 constantly be someone I'm not.
 I feel as if though i''m a pawn in a game. 
Like i'm puppet, 
but I remember being a person. 
Who believe it or not have feelings. 
I will find that one day but not now..
wish to be left alone and be alone for now.
I still love everyone I just need some space to think about this.
I really mean this.. 
I can't take the selfishness. 
I can't take ignorance. 
I can't take drama. 
I can't take any of this.. 
finally it all comes to this maybe I should find somewhere else to go. 
I'm sorry but I think I might have too.. 
If I change my mind you will know, 
but for now I don't think I am..

A Common Dislike

I do not like to see you like this,

screaming, yelling, arguing personalty.

You got a war of a spirit,

racing through those tender veins.

You have the beauty of a swan.

But,the attitude of an ugly duckling.

You are filled with insecurity.

You let others make decisions for you.

Instead of being the leader.

You become the follower and then the understudy.

You rotate assumtions that turn into rumors.

This is all in your head as your mental illness carries it.

Simply you cannot just walk in without a grunt.

Your eyes say disaster.

Your heart is evil.

Your body is the destoyer.

Your brain is the manipulator.

Who is really pulling the strings?

My Mothers Journey

The sweetness, kind and gentle woman

Big, tall and strong

Black is beautiful

For she has her essence in the air

and entity that soars behind life.

She gives much but asks for little.

It worries me at times.

She's always been sick, but never let that affect her.

This woman who gave birth to me,

would give up anything for her children.

"What about yourself?" I asked her

And shes tells me " you first"

I look to see if she is fine.

She smiles and says sweet things

I see her and believe she is happy,

even when sad.

One of the people to talk to me about god.

And at first I looked at her like she is crazy.

She tells me you have to believe and have your soul saved.

I love that god came into my life, but it makes me happy he created her.

Attached to her at the hip.

My love for her is strong.

We fuss and fight, but get along.

She brings joy along the ride. 

I love her person this god gave me. 

I'm joyful and sincere for this love.

I love you mommy :) 

A Food for Thought

A cloud of sunshine

Took over that darkness

The heap of the hype

The ride of the storm

We were never one

I thought I knew

Look at this self pity

I never felt some much sympathy in my life

The jewels of a guard could hit and you still fall

MY sadness is finally over

Yeah I would say

I feel it in my bones

The emptyness is full

But feeling free and born again does not mean

The darkness is not there

I simply have to overcome

My evil sheltered mind

to forgive those

Who have hurt me, broke me into pieces

A self sacrifice for the forgotten

I had to make those decision

Even though I may regret it

I will forget it and never let it take over me

once again

What is the emotion?

What is certain urge to like or love?

The feeling to just want to make run

up and down stairs and do backflips

I'm having a hard time

If you been the same situations

I have been you would know

What is wrong with you?

Or is it right 

Maybe I should do some 

back tracking in my sight

I'm happy all the time

Sweat palms

I don't know what to say

I tremble and crumble

Make a smiley, say hi

But why??

Maybe I am over analyzing it

But you make me happy

Sadly is this a good thing too

Do you feel the same way I do?

Or maybe I shouldn't rune a good thing

Worn out, get out of touch with a friend

It is masculine not feminine

I know that's hard to understand

I'm not lesbian, I like dudes

And yes you may see me play with them

But the girls are just a friend in the saying

It is like a private investigation

Sadness arose today maybe I blew it

but not know it just to say

I'm thinking of you still either way

I can't say that maybe it best

But I don't know

I don't want to be a pest today

So I can say is each time

I see you and the back of my mine

I think "What is the emotion" 

Thank goodness I hide my feelings well

But maybe I should tell him

or sit in a corner dwell about it a little

and finally grow a pair to say " Hey, I like you"

Yep, I figured out my happiness, I like someone

Would I be willing to end a perfect friendship 

or not?

That depends on my emotional state

Oh well secret lover or crush your going to have to wait 

Unknown

Being on a mountain
Or climbing to the top of the hill
How many steps do you need?
How many people are there to help you??
Can this ever be an easier way??
Is it possible to stay in the same spot??
You never know what the world holds
Or how it may crupt you
Or make you become a different person
I shall never put my guard down for you
I shall never hound you like a dog
Or card the person around
Be yourself
That is what they say
Is that true or not
I do not believe this is happening again
Leaving the unknown

Let Me Tell You Something

Hello everyone

I am here to write a poem

Something happy 

Something Sweet

Something everyone loves but me

I write depressing poems all day

Not for the depression inside myself

But for some reason it helps me feel better

I am as happy as a clam

And feel lower than the low

But I refuse to let this take my soul

In reality I am ME

Who cares what other think

You can depict and destroy

Everything is still the same

Honest, loyal, and strong as they can get

I can even love you

guess not regretting

what you said

I open myself to others

Emotionally, Physically, Spirituality  

That does not change my sexuality 

I touch and feel the way others do

But that does mean I will sleep 

and have sex with you

My innocents was taken from me a long time ago

when molested by a man I did not know

But that still does not mean he took my virginity

It just means he took my curiosity

I can always forget that day because I forgave

Do not get me started on having to deal with guys

I could if I wanted too

If I tried

I use to think

I was useless, worn out angry, and tired

But it caused me damaged or started a fire

I am honestly saving forgiveness is the key

If you were me and I were you

Would you leave??

I left things in the  past 

as they belong so any relationship

I had stayed strong

And not clingy just let him breathe

not even once to beg him back on my knees

Love is not a weak emotion is those

who just ain't doing it right

There are better things to do then argue and fight

But besides that I was caught in a fire

My parents saved me

And I want to close to them

We almost didn't make it I could not run out

I was sleeping walking the whole time

and I almost did not make it out 

I was revived at some point 

with siblings five at the time 

with parents hand in hand

I never thought my life was exciting 

but bland

I could tell the world my story

Of my handicapped mom

and my man of dad

That would be to much for you

If you cannot understand that

Being bullied and teased does not compare

To the love my parents bond again and again

I kept keeping strong for other and not myself

Maybe that is where my depression came in

I never weep

Let me not forget my brother who is paralazyed

And like my mother he broke down in front my eyes

Don't feel sorry for him or I

I am just lucky he is alive

In all the drama and messed up situation

I always thank God

cause he is my station

So do not feel sorry for me in any type of way

Just thank god you meet me

because I am here to stay 

To those I have hurt I apologize

No one knew who I was in my eyes

I do think correctly at times

because these demons beat and bruise my ego

I could never speak to them and say

Leave me alone 

I love all those who understand 

But I loathe who cannot handle my truth

In life you say deal with it

But in my mind I have to leave

though slowly getting over this powerless thing

That does not have a hold of me

one and the same I remind myself 

each and everyday

I love you guys and all you know

This depression will never take a hold

of me once again

I love all of you out there 

But everyone has a strong story to share

Happy Thought

Dreaming of this beautiful dream about to start

The birds are barking , huh that's werid

The cows jump over the moon

How is the moon even out when it is daylight??

This dream is getting weird

I am battling a puppy

I am dressed for the ball at the same time

There is a prince charming by my side

This seems like a disney fairytale

Everyone is treated equally

I like this already

We have peace in third world countries

Other planets to live on 

The sun is not going to burst years from now

On that is a gift from god

We all believe in following the same religion

Wait I am not understanding

We have equality

I think this dream is a misunderstanding

I want to wake up now

Somethings in this dream are foul

How is this a happy thought??

When everyone thinks the same

Does the same thing

No one is dying

I am confused

But good this dream is lying

I wish for better things in the future

But like this

It makes me puke

Stomp up and down

Now why am I not awake

This imagination is taking my place

Wake up!! Wake up!!!