Full

 

If I walk into the grocery store

I know I want to buy food

But the bakery section is always calling me

I cannot stop myself from thinking about all the baked goods

Especially the cookies

Dipped in a tall glass of ice-cold milk

Different types of donuts

Deep-fried batters

Constantly changing in flavors

With a glimpse could empty my stomach

Purchased to buy to occupy the hunger

Sweet tooth gaped choices

Giving me options

Options that only this greedy gut can handle

I love the sweets in this bakery section

If only there were more options

I mean I know the cakes sections are always good

And so are the pies

But that does not beat the classics

Mixing and matching with all the sides I can think of

All I can do is wait for the hunger pain to end

So I can indulge with gladness again

You

I want to write about the joy in my life

But, how can I write about joy,

When they I have temporary happiness

Unless they have two different meanings

I've always heard that Joy is the everlasting feeling that never goes away

As happiness temporary exist on the short terms goals you've created for yourself

Yet, one of the meanings has a true satisfactions that is hard to choose from

We believe in the goals that we set for ourselves 

But we truly don't think about the consequences 

That comes with the choices we choose.

I am reminded that life is an uphill battle to figure out your identity

But what is the identity I have when others try to put layers on top of my own

Giving the fear of doubt and degrading my abilities to think

It is not a person but it usually starts in groups

Because I am different

So in other words shake the dust off your feet because haters exist.

People hate for reasons they do not understand

But, that doesn't mean you should stop being you

You are created differently with a purpose

A purpose to fit your identity in your career paths

Your journey will always end up with a pass or fail

If you pass then you have to continue to work hard

If you fail then try again until you've figured out how to do it correctly

Or simply find a new hobby that you are good at

Do not force something that cannot be done

And do not force yourself to be someone you are not

Do not allow others to tell you what to do

And truly find your own identity

By being comfortable and loving yourself

Remember who you pray too,

If not that who supports you

Keep working hard to live out your dreams

And be the sparkle or the twinkle in your own eye

We love as we live as we loved

Smiling as we gaze into a trace by the joy in your heart

Because it will always be about you.

Sin

It is mentioned in the bible 

A touchy subject that has everyone on edge,

Believer and non-believer alike,

Whether you choose to be a sinner by choice,

Or a sinner saved by grace,

As one balances the other in the eyes of God,

We are all equal,

If I am a Christian am I righteous as I claim Jesus?,

If I am non-believer will Jesus turn away from me?,

If a Christian stops standing by the word of God will he/she not fall?,

If a non-believer decides to argue the conversation of God,

Are they themselves not allowed to ask?

Have we fallen short of the eyes of the lord,

That we can't defend our beliefs as Christian because it offends other people,

As well as aren't non-believers have the right to express their freedom of speech.

Questions we do not ask but choose to point the finger,

We hate what we can't control,

We hate what we do not see,

We hate to hold onto burdens from past and previous events,

We hate as Christians to be conflicted in situations we do not understand,

And non-believer hate when Christian talk about a God they do not understand,

Yet, we are spiraling out of control believer and non-believer alike,

The difference is God is apart of the equation.

My Christian views should not surprise you,

Yet, I am not perfect myself,

Condemning is the beginning of the battle,

But finding peace/love/grace/ comes with convictions,

Deeper wounds, conflicted issues that aren't healed,

Willing and ready to overcome the obstacle,

Healing the open wounds that broke me,

That breaks me,

That has hurt me,

That stripes away my sanity,

When it comes to choosing between the world and God,

As the world has condemn,

But my father in heaven who has loved me,

For all eternity and forgives my sins,

As I repent and build a relationship,

My sins will only be a memory,

There is so much sin in the world,

Everyone is focused on homosexuality,

There are other ones that are mentioned like,

Idolizing/lying/cheating/adultery/sex-before marriage,

lust/guilt/greed/anger/arguing/hatred.

The list could go on,

Being a part of this world is the curse,

That continues to break and divide,

So when we mention sin,

Remember as a believer,

In scripture it is written

To hate the sin but love the sinner,

That is not just implied for non-believers,

But believers as well.

Blind-spots

Unable to focus on tasks at hand,
Yet, lack in understanding,
Of a situation that can't be tamed or handled,
Yet, given the opportunity to speak,
You become meek and taskful to plot a revenge,
Planning to harm the non-violent,
And mask it, with being polite and silent
Without knowledge of the person knowing,
You are deceitful in your steps,
Getting to know them,
Befriending them,
And even having a laugh or two,
But secretly this person knew,
But refused to allow you to torment or bully them away,
They are forgiving and unable to comprehend the behavior,
In which you pretend,
But they are forgiving,
You still seek to plot and steal away the treasures,
The person made through there lifetime and appeal,
The difference between you and them,
They earned, worked for it, and made legit matters,
When you coward, sold your body and drugged up for power, Now.
They do see, what you're looking for
 Because you're unable to handle your personal matters,
But its not there propriety,
As you plot to steal,
They plot to seek a higher education,
One in which you've never reached or seen,
They share a lot things they have,
Yet, you have nothing to offer but its ok,
Because the person your living with will share with you anyway.
They know your intentions aren't good but that doesn't bother them,
Until one day they wake up not feeling like them,
You plotted to take their dignity but you've disrespected yourself,
 Your crime is unbearable,
And its turned you into a hot mess
As you wake up screaming every night,
Irreplaceable thoughts running through your mind,
And unleashed evil bigger than yourself,
You cannot take back,
You look over your shoulders for the authorities
In every turn,
Because time will tell when you pay for injustice.

Plundered

This is my reality
A person, I  don't see,
Who am I, in this persona,
And where am I going,
Lost in the wings to when,
Pushed back and forth for sin,
As the world begins to cave in,
My faith begins to fail,
My life is crashing before its eyes,
Lifeless/cold/broken,
With the inability to move in brokenness,
Burden by the weight that begins to carry,
Not, just physically as it shows in my mentally capacity,
As to where or why I'm here,
Who are my friends/families/ haters,
Pieces of who I was is, lost to never have been found,
Torn by the reigns this pain carries,
Into a no body that causes destruction by the pound,
By the stem cells/by the cold heart that begun to grow,
Spun out of control,
To no end
Proving who I am to put down,
Celebrated by celebration left unliberated,
Turned into a crown of thorns,
Persecution be treating as the delusion,
To talk back, get mad, and loud,
By the oppression, a label that is my crown,
Shameful by an act I didn't wish upon myself,
Yet others promote and laugh,
As I lose pieces of my self-wealth,
And I am called "worthless",
And other names that begun to match,
I believed in what they've told me,
I believed in the hatred that began to open wounds,
The holes that were never closed in the beginning or end,
Healing in unorthodox ways to fill the void,
In many names.
Objects that began to objectify to comprise the injustice,
Transferred into an act for lack of safety into irresponsibility,
Violated/pillaged without complicity.
Homeless soon had a name,
Unable to sleep or move into a career,
Left frozen with new chains,,
Now I have to make a move.
The crime committed,
They began to choice.

Stolen titles

Everyday we live in societies,
Race/culture/color plays a role in who we are
That is called systematic racism,
If I am light-skin, and you are dark-skin
We have to fight, As if we are not from the same race
Race and culture could go hand and hand but it has changed
Culture not tradition
Tradition not families
Society not the environment
Race but not the color
Stop using the term colorblind,
Just have conversations about background experiences
Fact check all the given options,
And before calling someone racist
We don't want to be white because most of there shades,
between the choices of pale or burn.
Who wants to be pale, no one does,
No one should want to be,
White people don't like the fact that they are pale,
So they tan,
If curves are featured on African-American/Hispanic/Middle-Eastern/
Native-American/Indian women,
She is considered ugly,
But if you see curves on a European/white women
She is beautiful.
Big lips, thick hair,thick eyebrows, big noses, ambitious personalities, appealing fashion sense,
beautiful shades of color, and intelligence to match are ugly for women who aren't white
But if she is white then she is beautiful
Women competing by wearing makeup,
Compared to natural beauty.
Men compete in many ways education, body types,
supposed alpha male behaviors, sex, cars, and height
The american dream my foot,
If you aren't white then you ain't right.
They may not say it but it is in advertisements,
through newspapers, magazines, commercials, TV-shows,
You name it, they separated it by color or network,
They have to be separated by propaganda and press
I am not talking about just that but
LGBT communities of,
Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender.
Separated by bathrooms and extremist religious people,
Separated by attitudes by the LGBT communities itself,
Because they are still afraid to be different,
Or proving a point the  LGBT lives matters,
And they do.
We should not care because its not me,
It is them.
We should love them and they love us.
Just because a man dresses in drag does not mean he is gay,
Just because a man is a drag queen, does not mean women can't do it,
Or better yet become drag kings.
Drag is not based on sexual orientation,
It is an art for entertainment.
If someone is homosexual is not a disease,
Your just homophobic,
Or by bi-curious,
Homosexual do harass straight people,
It is a hate crime, don't use your sexual orientation card.
It is just as bad as using the race card.
Gay marriage exist for a reason,
because they want to get married,
And classified with the same rights as a straight couples,
benefits and all.
Transgender is classifying your gender
If they get the surgery or not,
If they want to be called a woman or man
Be respectful about it.
Adding to the religious communities,
Christian, Muslim, Hinduism, Jewish, Atheist... many more to account for.
Being beheaded, belittled,berated, bombarded and downgraded,
Based on religious beliefs which are our foundations,
Not our enemies.
Just because they are Muslim is does not mean they are terrorist
And just because they are Christians does not mean they can't be extremist,
Just because someone might be Jewish does not mean they are cheap.
As well as the Atheist communities have the right to believe in something,
even if its not God/Gods, it doesn't have to be the universe or science
Hinduism has many gods,
But people have the right to pick religion based on,
What makes sense to them, not us.
Terrorism can come from any country,
Just like genocide/slavery/ the effects of unemployment,
can effect any county.
Genocide is real everywhere
Slavery is visible and invisible depends on who is looking,
Unemployment is real today and is will be tomorrow.
Education is suppose to be an upper hand,
but without experience how are we expected to receive a job.
What is the true definition of feminism?
I believe in equal rights for women in all spectrum,
But don't forget men can be feminist as well  
If women get raped it is not accounted for,
Just as men who get raped.
Rape is viewed as a joke,
Only 3% of the rapist community in America goes to jail.
People report and feel ashamed turned away by law enforcement,
Law enforcement tells us to keep quiet or laugh in our faces, questions us.
Law enforcement by military and rank
Rapes there men and women who are in the line of duty
It may not be you, but it is possible that it is someone you know.
Do you know what its called for cadets that refuse their offer?
Disobedience/disrespect/misconduct on their behalf.
So women are supposed to lay down and take.
And men are suppose to perform homosexual behavior,
which is not normal in their own nature.
Women who choose abortions
Can choose
Men do not have the right to a woman's body,
You are enslaving their choices.
Whether you agree or not,
It is not up to you
If you are married or single
Men are sperms
Women are the eggs
Women are the incubators
Women who are married should talk to their husbands
Women who are single can choose with boyfriends,
A good suggestion is planned parenthood,
It is not just about abortions,
They have open adoptions, adoption, contraceptives, planning for newborn babies
Stop looking at abortions comparing to planned parenthood
As if its the only porgram they have.
We are given options for a reason
We live in societies that abuses its power.
We live in societies that cover issues.
We live to serve, we serve to live,
We we we we we, well what about you.
You get to choose, make your choices,
And never let society choose for you,
Fight hard and be strong.
Be you, because not one is you.

Black lives matter

Black lives matter but all lives matter
We have a movement for black people to come together
For others to experience inequality
In community they are to serve and protect
Yet, danger finds it way on our streets
I am proud to say, I am black
My life does matter
I am not accounted for many things
I am young, beautiful and talented
A triple threat
Not only am I black
But I am a woman
Not only am I a women
But I am intelligent
Not only am I intelligent
I have carry myself in a higher standard
My standards are to settle for more
Not less
To never back down
But to handle situations in the most professional way possible, that we all can laugh together
Black lives matter is a movement
To say that we as a culture is not recognized
We as a culture are here
But we are not seen for who we are
Only for our talents of entertainment
The way we perform is how we can earn
Someone's respect
It is more to life than sports, music, and dancing
We don't all know how to entertain
We are students getting an education
Like everyone else
Yet, we live in a society
That thinks education is for other cultures
So now, that I am black
And have an opportunity to learn
I am portraying another culture
Why can't education be for everyone
Black lives do matter
Not everyone talks the same in a black community or treated equally
Black lives matter because of the way
We are treated each and everyday
Like we are lazy or degraded
Yet, every one is saying all lives matter
We know all lives matter
But we want to know do black lives matter
Can you really say for the hundreds of years
That black people still ain't being treated
In a cruel unprofessional fashion
The moment is for being overlooked
Stereotyped, unfair treatment, police brutality
Riots, safe protesting turned into hostile situations, you name it and nothing is viewed in the matter a situation could of been handled.
It may not happen to you
Because you're not black
I am harassed for unknown reasons beyond myself, yet your telling me. That I am being
Treated fairly, equal, yet you have no idea
How to hold a conversation with me
Yet, even listen to what I have to say.
So, blacks don't matter
And it will always be this way.

I am not what you think

I am not your token black girl.

I am not mixed with half white or black mixtures,

That define my ethnicity.

I am not your play thing.

I am not your stereotypical black girl who wants to be white,

By any means.

Because I talk with stern dictions that edifies,

My native tongue of where I’ve been,

And knowing where I’ve come from.

A mother who was tear gassed,

And abused in the South,

Yet, still decided to stand by the Activist of,

Martin Luther King Jr, Maya Angelou, and The Black Panthers.

Who’ve serviced in advocacy to promote,

The actions that helped poverty in many communities,

Who’ve open the eyes of Blacks everywhere.

My father who was not served in many areas,

Of the National Capital,

That still determines to abuse its residents,

Based on racial profiling,

And no proof of description,

When we talk about justice,

There is none.

My family is the reason that I talk and I speak,

With good postures before I can stand up,


And face the racism of this sickening world.

Dealing with the stereotypes of black and white,

Knowing that if the whites accepts you,


They talk behind your back,


With fear of conviction,

And no backbone.

Being around your own culture,

Does not serve peace.

Knowing that if the blacks accept you,

You will be known as the girl who talks white,

Who has to fight physically and mentally,

That spiritually drains the individual inside.

Being told everyday you’re not black enough,

As your environment tells you how to act,

Which we were not made for,

Comprised areas,

That focuses on us to become monsters,

Angry at the world,

Ready to dog someone,

We were not made for  these conditions.

I see intelligence in my own culture every day,

Black men and women,

Who are defined by the purpose of the media,


They can’t make the grade,

So they put us through bad public schooling,

And they wonder why we are doing poorly,

In Academics.

But when it comes to sports,

They teach us,


Train us,

Reward us,

With trophies that do not mean a thing.


They tell us you're not strong enough,

So we prove it with our gangs and guns,

If only we were taught to speak with our words,

It is stronger than any double edge sword,

And that’s how we stomp out the competition.

We are 11 percent of the world,

That is told we are overqualified,

Underqualified or,

My favorite, you lack the experience,

Yet, we keep dominating by creating more kids,

And fighting harder to make a living,

By taking any job with no complaining,

It is like they are settling for less,

And they are worth more.


Better to be an individual who is called the token black,

The same one who tries to defeat the barriers,

Who knows who they are as a person,

Who beats any stereotype or quota,

That challenges them to stay in an on going battle,

Not to prove a point,

And beat society,

But because they have the smarts.

To do so.


I expect this world to look pass racial differences,

And unite as one for the means of peace.

But we can’t have these things,

Because society keeps telling us,

Who we are,


And they tell others who they should be,

Plus feeding into the palms of those,

Who want to see you fail and never make it.

I am telling you that education is the key,

We were once farmers, business owners, billionaires,

We had our own stock markets, banks, owned homes,

We went to the finest colleges at the young age of 13,

And started our lives from there.

We did not relay on other cultures,


That helped build our foundation,

But we relayed on each other.

Now, we are turning away from our people,

Who could possibly save your life.

We face the issues of color,

Dark skin versus light skin,

Slave owners could figure out a way to separate us,

But, we should see ourselves as the Blacks,

Who were freed from slavery not to maintain,

The actions of which color is beautiful,

But we are like a rainbow,

Different shades of color,


Who cares if the person is lighter or darker?

We were made to be beautiful.

We were made to unite with one another.

As I see this general statement constantly,

Being said repeatedly,

It reminds you of what society,

Tells a culture what they need to be.


This does not have to be black or white,

It happens in the Asian, Indian, Arabic speaking, African, and European communities

Something that has clearly defined our societies,

Shaping our women and men,


Based on the trends of Culture.

We should be in the grey areas that does not define color,

Social, Political or Economic Environments,

But be the individual and decide for ourselves.

Identity

I have been found, but broken.
I am internally grateful and externally humble,
I am who I am,
I am the brokenness that follows into sadness,
That sadness follows into depressions,
The depression follows into a darkness.
I have will find myself to the light,
because even in the dark there is a spark waiting for us.
We are in the dark but we have a short lit fuse,
That contentiously gives us the ability to move on,
In my darkness I have seen my light and taken it,
I have been trying to overcome the outcomes,
in which I was stuck in,
bitter with hints of grief,
that forbids me to find my joy
Yet, I ask for no more,
of a never ending suffering that truly is not my own,
I say that this is the day to take a stand,
And follow the light that leads out to become who you are,
Created to be beautiful, strong, and witty,
I have arrived and continue on this journey,
My light is bigger than any dark that swallowed me whole,
I plan for it to stay this way.

Worth

Worth has nothing to do with the money in your pocket,

The fame that you deeply desire,

Or even the crew you hang out with.

Worth is not the strive in a mission,

It’s the willingness to be able,

Worth has no fear in the eyes of God,

Because he gave us worth in the form of life,

As he lets us live and breathe in it,

The love that we carry inside of us,

Is the love of God’s creation,

As he created us to have this role,

Which give us our worth,

There is no need to keep trying and move away further,

But gives us the ability to live in life and not to death,

In all of his former glory,

You can walk away all you choose too,

But God will be there for us,

We have to know what trust means,

For there is no following if we cannot give trust,

We can’t trust anyone,

So, God is pushed to the side constantly,

As he calls for us night and day,

But, we wait till the times get harder each day,

Before we cry out to him,

No matter,

He is still down when our ups are downs,

When our rights goes left,

And south turns to north,

God is the one, who gives us our voice,

We need to push closer and move,

No, to please him but to move in a way that glorifies him,

No person or form can keep us away,

For which God truly owns,

Until, we start thinking of him before our own well beings,

We will always be lost in the self-worth that has no meaning.

Finished

I am filled with joy.
And filled with fear.
Of the decision that I make appear.
Weither right or wrong.
The choice is made.
Good or Bad,
I hope it makes my day.
I want to feel my freedom expressed,
So I can pray and get every burden off my chest.
Yet, there is nothing to hold onto.
Its been given to the most high,
Now, all those old feelings I felt can die.
It's hard to let of things, I say,
But I need to let go,
And grow mature each day.

Once and always

We have a hard time speaking,

Communication is the key,

But in this link of lies,

We will constantly be fighting,

You treat me like a dog,

You act like your my friend,

I wish you weren't here because I can't trust you again,

I know that I'm not perfect,

We were born this way,

But hopefully if I keep following faith,

It will change me in different ways,

I hope to never lie to anyone,

Because it shows your hiding from everyone.

I'm free

In which I have been enslaved by the people before God,
I have been lost in the fact,
I feel no justice,
I don't blame people,
But I blame myself,
For I am the cause to the madness,
Because either I say "yes or no",
I will still be involved to a cause in my name,
That I never even asked for,
Constantly being pushed in others away,
From the anxiety of friendships,
Which turn into pain,
I am sad to say,
I'm a victim to myself,
I trapped myself in a box,
For I hold the key to moving around,
Yet, I feel stuck to the words of other people,
I was never created to be a puppet,
Only to be used by others,
But I was made to move and motivate others,
My love is bigger than myself,
My heart has passion and desires,
My life is not a tool for destruction as it been for years,
My life is meant to go out and explore,
I believe that there is something bigger for me,
Waiting until the day,
I wrap the worse out of mine,
Which is a war against my heart and soul,
This will be the endless battle,
But victory will come when all is together in one,
For he takes the victory this day as I am always with him,
Thank you for blessing me,
I will never forget you,
As you haven't forgotten me.

My Voice

My voice is me,
It is my strong,
It is my forrestest,
It is my soul,
Its what helps people understand me.
But truthfully I am tired of others,
getting the way my voice is designed,
We are all created differently,
For a reason, its our enity,
My voice is many things,
It can be plain to see that I am here with it,
Its apart of me,
A sound that can't be reached,
For my voice is amusing to me,
My voice is treated like the garabage I see everyday out on the streets,
Because its eccentric,
We are living in a world,
That defines ours,
But it not there to speak,
Its only a matter of opinion,
But we can care to not care,
But don't you dare,
Take away the one living thing I have left,
Just because you can find your own voice,
Its your own mess.

Jumbled

These words are stuck in my head,

But I think to fast to write,

On a simple sheet of blank paper,

It is hard to describe,

As each word is a symbol,

To creativity that turns into,

Sloppy writing skills,

I know that the words are coming to me,

But, the nervous I get,

The more my ideas aren't making sense,

I can't explain myself,

I don't understand the looks on others faces,

That even though I can't write it down,

I can't even describe,

So, why even try it,

If all I'm going to do is fail,

As others say,

"She's crazy making up stuff",

Yet, I know what I am talking about,

It's sad to be the underestimated in such a way,

But, I will try harder to show off one day,

They laugh now,

But, they will see,

I will become somebody,

A person who does not get laughed at or teased,

But, for a higher purpose,

They will see.

Joy

It is the endless feeling of happiness,
A feeling that you can't describe,
No amount of pain can break the moment,
We can never understand where is it coming from,
Or how it occurs,
But, to wake up with a smile on your face,
Is never absurd,
It's never too late,
You can feel this one coming a mile away,
If this is you,
And it kind of tells your story,
Remember to smile,
Cause your days aren't over yet.

These people

These people,
The ones who guide us,
The ones that divide us,
The one who tells us our meaning to live,
Being guided one by one,

But, its truly the lies they told us,
Someone telling you are on your own,

Or your not worth the time,

Let us never become the enemy,

But, let us become the friend,

They have a saying,
We shall always forgive
But, never forget,

I can see why this saying may be true,

But, do we have to remember the bad thing people do,

I'm over as it,

And so should you too,

Yes, we can forgive and never have to speak again,

But, being cold and vile,

Just to live again for the style of being evil,

It seem condescending,

If I say so myself,

The lies they told us,

As we grow older,

To be hateful and cruel,

Most, people don't know what you've been through,

But, they honesty could care less,

Living in there bubbled called home,

But, it is truly a hot mess,

We all live in this reality,

Just to crush each others toes,

But, we really turn into one of those. 

Going back

Back then in the day, 

When I didn't care about others feelings,

When I wouldn't even look at you for more than second,

When I didn't even wonder what you were thinking,

When your presence was even that,

Have I grown weakly to care about the mere feelings that could be there,

For why has this grown upon,

A responsibility, I wish not to keep

Even, when others are being nice to be I surely see,

But its not real,

I say because its only out of pity,

A paranoia thing,

I could say to shake the tides of today,

For, no one has ever given me a true chance before until today,

Maybe, that's why I changed suddenly

From the girl I used to be,

To the women I am to be,

Maybe change is different yet good,

But I believe this change is sticking for good,

And no one will dare cross me,

For I have nothing to hold back for the future,

That will be open to me.

A feeling I can't shake

A feeling I can't shalke of being left confused,
For sometimes I know nothing of what I do,
Wither right or wrong.
I will never know how to be complete in weary.
None the less,  it seems to be going correctly.
Just the hope of justice turns unjustly,
People turning on you constantly,
Is it because i'm joyful,
You try to take the joy away,
Or maybe that I am a pain,
Which would kill me deeply to say,
Either way,
With the looks of anger upon your eyes,
You gaze as me like I should die.
Yet, I did nothing to you,
Not a mutter of your name,
Not even an essence of you,
Yet, we play this foolish game,
And even talking about this brings up the refer of who you are,
I shall be ashamed,
For I know better that to play something that will never be done,
I lose because you certainly have won.

Denial

We are the ones who are forgetting,
We are the people who preach out in the streets, marching,
We are the identifiable people, who are in denial.
This isn't for everyone
But you know what I mean.
You have  your mask that can be instantly deceiving ,
Especially, when sniffed out.
When someone catches you scent,
You rip them apart,
Then, smack them down.
Yet, no one will believe the person whose been around,
because your like about,
yet, the unlikely will soon see who you truly are.
Until,  you start over again with a fresh batch.